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Writer's pictureThirteen

Inner Dialogue

Last week I got vaccinated and that developed into a body ache and fever the following day. Now, that was quite draining. Instead of succumbing to that pain and sleeping, I chose to bring intensity and work. Was that a smart move? Maybe, maybe not! However, I did it because of an instance that I had experienced a few years ago.


I was attending a workshop back in 2013 in Delhi. The workshop ran from 7 AM to 11 PM, and it was quite draining. To add to that, there weren't enough breaks. On the second day of the three-day workshop, I felt that I completely ran out of energy. I had a severe headache. It is then that one of the coordinators came to me to help.


He heard me out and said most of what you're experiencing is not real pain, but your story about that pain. He further instructed e to simply observe the pain and be with it. And asked me to do it with great attention. He said that and left me saying, "I will return in five minutes. Until then, maintain your attention on the exact spot where you feel the ache."


To my surprise, when he returned, most of my pain was gone. This was the context in which I decided to operate last week after my vaccination.


I realized two things in this exercise. When I brought my attention to the actual physical distress I was in, I realized that most of it were constructed. It was constructed based on my prior experiences of similar distress. Naturally, when I constructed what this sensation is like, it was exaggerated in my head. Once that was revealed, I could observe the distinction between the real physical distress and the agony that I created. This distinction brought most of the pain - the made-up one - down. Once that disappeared, the real one was something that my body could cope with.


We, as humans, are evolved and have a language to express. But this same language, as our inner dialogue, can cripple us! It is only the attention towards what is real and what is created in our inner dialogue that brings forth a new realm to look at. Language is that potent tool that makes most of our living experience seemingly real. It is only by being, one can experience that distinction between appears to be real and reality.

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